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PS. I just want to make sure that I don't sound like a selfish bitch. Usually I don't expect him to do the stuff that i wanted him to do (i understand, he's not a pet) It was just upsetting that he didn't make tea for me that day in particular because I make dinner almost everynight and make tea on most nights; that particular night I paid for the dinner AND the groceries. The fact that he wouldn't let me be lazy for just a second and the fact that he ALREADY made tea yet wouldn't get me one made me upset like "why do I have to do everything myself"...does that make sense? |
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Posted 1/30/2008 4:02 PM - 324 Views - 24 eProps - 16 comments
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 hm~..interesting. Honestly, I understand Chon's side more. Probably cuz I have more of a guy's personality (being called "you are such a guy!" by guys so many times -____-)... I am just not a "Nina girl"?! It is very confusing for the guys all the time.. when you set out a rule like paying only for h-mart, then you ask him to pay for cheese here?! He's gotta be confused. Guys are direct and don't think that much. Chon probably tries so hard to think what did he do wrong? Simply put.. guys just think really differently from girls. When you have certain expectations, it's better to set it out straight. Don't expect the guy to figure it out the level of "pamper" you wish for. The advice I usually give to guys is -- talk to the gf to get a general guideline as what she expects (ex. who pays what? gift giving? holidays to celebrate?), then observe well to work within the boundary as what the gf would like. When you establish an expecation, it's easy to exceed the expecation and make gf happy. Of course, gf has to be honest about what she wants and be reasonable. Guys just are not capable of understanding what's going through girls' mind. Maybe not to the extend of dogs, but they do need a clear guideline to be trained to your liking. |
 relationships
are not supposed to be about "trading". sure it's about giving and
receiving, but it's not a trade. you're not supposed to "expect"
anything. at least that's what I think. so i'd be upset about your
getting upset in that situation too. if you can't say something without
sounding like an unreasonable bitch, it's probably because you are being
an unreasonable bitch.
i am against changing other people, cuz i believe we should respect how other people are. |
 guess it might be the result of cultural differences? Posted 1/30/2008 6:10 PM by la_la_dreamer - reply
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 Its funny... being a girl, I get what you're saying. We always tend to focus on things our s.o aren't doing for us, and overlook the things they ARE doing for us, because we just've already accepted all the nice little things they do for us as normal. Also, I think since you're financially indepdent yourself, you crave Chon's special attention in those area. You can always get yourself a fancy bag, or a luxurious spa treatment. But it's not as fun buying yourself a $4 cheese is it, haha. Chon's a really good guy. Any guy can just dismiss it as being spoiled or wanting to be a pampered princess but it's hard to read between the lines and understand what we REALLY want. Posted 1/30/2008 6:13 PM by snowjewelz - reply
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 Hey
girl, I can understand both sides and its nice that Chon is willing to
take the time and effort to try and improve the situation. When I was
still dating David we went to Godiva and he bought himself some
chocolate but didn't ask me if I wanted anything. And then when I said,
how come you didn't ask me, he was like, oh, I thought we can just
share this that I have here. Its not like I can't afford to buy myself
chocolates or that its $3 or $5 of stuff but I just want him to be
thoughtful...and guys rarely as as detailed in their thoughtfulness as
us. I think you will be ok because Chon sounds very accomodating:) All
girls want to be pampered by the guy she loves, its not just about a
few dollars, even if you are an independent successful girl you still
want the guy to "take care" of you. I think its in our nature
Posted 1/30/2008 6:15 PM by Redapple333 - reply
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 ahahahahaha...
that's called "being a woman" ;) 女生永遠覺得他們的男朋友做的不夠多 不夠好... Posted 1/30/2008 6:48 PM by WuoShrShiaoMa - reply
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 ryc: that's why you are good at playing piano. thumbs up to your parents!!
Posted 1/30/2008 7:51 PM by missymoo630
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 I
can totally relate to this. Every time when my boyfriend ask me back
for money after he paid for me, I have some hard feelings inside. I know
he's not supposed to paid for me, but sometimes (or most of the time) I
wish that he would pay for little things.
I know it's not very Canadian to guys to pay, but deep down inside I would be very happy if he offers to. Small like paying for the newspaper, bigger like groceries and stuff. It's like if he offers it would make me feel like he's willing to sacrifice part of himself for the sake of me. I guess I couldn't blame him, 'cause I'm that kinda girl who dun like help from other people. Yet when it comes to my boyfriend, I like having his help 'cause it then makes me feel very couple-like, just like what you've said to Helen, it will feel more like "us" rather than "you and me". Dun worry, I think it's just a normal feeling. Posted 1/30/2008 8:56 PM by Cat_of_Justice - reply
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恩恩, shiny 我懂. 但是我覺得女生天生就覺得有很多事情就"應該"是男生要做
像是計畫約會, 付帳單, 開車, be romantic... etc 當然我也不能打翻一船人. 不過啊, 這篇post女生回覆的比較踴躍喔... 像是 Cat_Of_Justice 講的, 她希望男朋友 offer to pay for little things. 那換個角度來想, 如果男生也有這種想法的話 那不就雙方處不來了嗎? 為什麼女生不能也 sacrifice a little bit and offer to pay for things, you know? something to think about. :) 好啦, 眾娘娘們別來打我. 小的告退~ Posted 1/30/2008 9:26 PM by WuoShrShiaoMa - reply
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Hi Anita:
I've been reading your blog for quite a while, but didn't leave a message till now. From reading your blogs, you don't come off as an unreasonable bitch to me. But it really doesn't matter what I think. There are a thousand ways to explain why your point of view is completely understandable and there are even more ways to prove that you are really just a pampered spoiled god damn princess that would make Chon hope that he is dating Paris Hilton instead. Ultimately it's just about how one prefers to be treated and whether the other person is willing to do it or not. One doesn't need to agree with the other person's point of view to do so. For example, if you are to buy breakfast for Chon, you'd probably go to dunkin donut, rather than starbucks. The reason is most likely to be that you KNOW what his preference is, not that you agree with it. You don't need to agree with his preference in order to do so. Same here, you two have different preferences. Preferences are personal so there is no right or wrong and there is no one to be blamed. And since preferences are personal, no one need to convince or even change the other person. You're still respecting him about who he is. All you ask him to do is to know is how you'd prefer to be treated and then it's up to him to decide whether he'll do it or not. |
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嗯﹐其實我每次過來這裡都很汗顏說。
啊﹐人家 Anita 還會天天做菜﹐還洗衣服折襪子﹐ 我家那口子沒有折我的衣服就不錯了﹐ 叫我洗他衣服﹖﹗...哼哼﹐老娘的時間就不是時間啦﹖ 不過如果他以感激的態度回應就可以考慮一下。 我不知道說﹐老實說很多時候我的感覺是﹕ 啊這種常識還要我來教﹐真是太麻煩了﹐ 怎麼沒有人在你小時候就把你教得好好的啊﹖ 還要現在過來跟我吵架浪費我時間精力﹐ 當然你要認真注意聽啊﹐我還不是認真注意聽你講話﹐ 這不是一個 relationship 的基本條件嗎 不會這種東西都還要我過來感謝吧 要是你不認真﹐我哪有那個美國時間過跟你在一起。 ...........now do you still think you are an unreasonable bitch? |
 i messaged u
also, i really liked snowjewelz's comment "You can always get yourself a fancy bag, or a luxurious spa treatment. But it's not as fun buying yourself a $4 cheese is it" and shiwoah's comment "我不知道說﹐老實說很多時候我的感覺是﹕ 啊這種常識還要我來教﹐真是太麻煩了﹐ 怎 麼沒有人在你小時候就把你教得好好的啊" i realize a lot of guys..even though theyre really really smart like academically or socially, theyre really stupid when it comes to common sense stuff lol..i cant think of an example right now though :\ |
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re:
yes I understand ar~ but since you make dinner and tea every night, he
expects it from you already. When you didn't make tea for him, you
"didn't meet his expectation". but he seems ok with it and just want to
joke about it with you. And obviously something doesn't seem right
with you so your feeling was hurt.
A lot of the time when I get 'annoyed', I try to take myself away from the situation and think why would he behave that way. So I think it was probably really confusing to him why you would get mad. So I think it's so great that you guys can talk it out so directly =) so true.. love is not a trade. |
 ANITA i'm so grateful that you posted your conversations out, because that's the exact issue that has been bothering me lately!! i simply don't feel like my s.o. is loving me the way i need to be loved, but i'd hate to request, esp. if it involves getting/making me stuff. it's the thought that counts... but i still can't get myself to ask for it :( Posted 1/31/2008 11:18 AM by nadinechen - reply
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i
really think every couple pretty much goes through the same things.
but chon does love you a lot and the good thing about that is you can be
frank with him (and vice versa) without being uncertain of your/his
response. it is true to some degree the "training" thing, guys just
don't want to see it all written out in words but you can say the same for girls! without any precedence, how will any of us know what the other person wants in a relationship or wants to be treated (in little ways) :) |
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